baaah all my pictures are being bitches. and won't show up. this is what happens when you abandon diary. livejournal is just not the same anymore.

baaah.

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Glamourizing death?

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LJ account

Hey guys, here's the link to the new journal I made:



http://wickedmoi.livejournal.com/

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I was just thinking.

After four years of school, and occasional summer months at home, I will leave home for good.

Thinking about the after University years makes me excited and very sad at the same time.

Home will no longer be home. I will no longer have the same relationship with my parents. And that kind of scares me.

What will happen to my room? What will happen to my cat? What will happen to me?

I know it's a long way away.

But my sister will probably move out as well, and it will be just the two of them. How weird.



Thinking about this makes me sad right now. I was so eager to get to this stage and I'm excited and happy.



But oh so very

S A D

---

It's just another sad story of me getting stood up.



Fuck.



I don't know them, no next weekend. screw this sad dream.

---

the blower's daughter



and so it is

just like you said it would be

life goes easy on me

most of the time

and so it is

the shorter story

no love no glory

no hero in her skies

i can't take my eyes off of you

and so it is

just like you said it should be

we'll both forget the breeze

most of the time

and so it is

the colder water

the blower's daughter

the pupil in denial

i can't take my eyes off of you

did i say that i loathe you?

did i say that i want to

leave it all behind?

i can't take my mind off of you

my mind

'til i find somebody new

---

True or false

Appearance:

I'm short: F

I have scars: T

I tan easily: T

I burn easily: T

I wish my hair was a different color: T

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color: T

I wear glasses or contacts: T

I have 5 or more piercing: F

I have/had piercing in places besides my ears: T

I have freckles: F



Relationships:

I miss someone right now: T

I've gotten divorced: F

I've had a crush on a teacher: F

I've hugged a stranger: T



Embarrassment:

I've laughed so hard I've cried: T

I've glued my hand to something: T

I've laughed till a beverage came out of my nose: F

I've had my pants rip/drop in public: T

I was born with a disease/impairment: F

I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend: T

I've had my wisdom teeth removed: F

I've had a serious surgery: F

I've had chicken pox: T



Experiences:

I've gotten lost in a city: T

I've seen a shooting star: T

I've wished on a shooting star: T

I've gone out in public in my pajamas: F

I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator: T

I've been to a casino: F

I've been skydiving: F

I've played spin the bottle: T

I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour: F

I've been in a car crash: F

I've caught a snowflake on my tongue: T

I've sat on a roof top at night: F

I've played chicken: F

I've played a prank on someone: T

I've ridden in a taxi: T

I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show: F (I still haven't!!)

I've eaten Sushi: T

I've been snowboarding: F (Maybe this winter??)



Random:

I own something I got on E-Bay: F

I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant: F

I watch the news: T

I curse regularly: T

I sing in the shower:F

I'm a morning person: F

I am a sports fanatic: F

I have listened to more than 30 cds in one day: T

I've worn pajamas to school: F

I know how to shoot a gun: F

I laugh at my own jokes: T

I am really ticklish: T (not all that much)

I play video games: T

I'm good at remembering names: F

---

When did I become such a stranger to myself?

I look back on the day and I don't recognize my actions as mine. It's like I'm loosing control of myself. I don't understand what is happening around me. I'm not being me... I don't know what I am. But this feeling is foreign to me, I don't know how to escape it. I was sitting there, looking up and wondering what I have come to. I look around and see useless stores that provide me with nothing at all. My inspiration was gone, and I put my head down in shame. No, nothing is wrong. I'm just scared of what this has brought me to. I can't carry on a normal conversation. I was just... pathetic.



That's a word you hear a lot with me. I mean I see that I can do it. Hell I can do whatever I please, I'm capable. But somehow I can't bring myself to see the truth.

D-E-M-O-L-I-T-I-O-N.

---

Maybe it's a little bit too late

or maybe I'm a little tired of waiting

or it's just the weather we've been having

But I'm not looking forward to it. Not at all.



An ordinary day with too much Calculus homework, and I sit here thinking. Is it worth it all? What am I going to do with this?

My indescision is making me repetitive.



And then there's something else. There's me and my piles, the stuff. so much stuff.

How do I have so much and want so much more?

When has being unsatisfied become such a need, such a drive for more stuff.







STOP ALREADY!

---

Done deal

The day fucked me, and I took it hard

but I will screw it harder.HA



Yeah, so I didn't wake my roomate up ontime. Big whoop, who cares! It's frigging spring break. Why can't I just let it go? I kept thinking bout it the whole way through my Psych test. GRRRR...





P.S. I might be schizophrenic

---

I'm so glad Tuesday is over

Now I can look forward to the break, the nice relaxing time that I will have.

It's snowing!!! And the streets are covered in a beautiful white layer. I love the air, I love the crunchign sound. I LOVE snow!!!



On another note, Chinese New Year. Apparently on Saturday I am going to a Chinese concert of sort. Sasha it will be very interesting and we have to look ..older.. cause we will the representing the Technology College and all. And if people ask us anything we just smile. Ha ha.



To:

---

So I guess I should have something meaningful to say here. Or it feels like I should anyways. But as usual I don't. My thoughts are too silly to be shared here really. Maybe another time, when I'm feeling less foolish. As fas as I can tell, it's all rollercoaster from here. Just can't wait for that final pop, the 19th, the big hoopla. It becomes a sort of schedule with me. I do this and that and then come the big whoop. Wait, scratch that. There is no whoop, it's all just nearly there. Like a dream of a white light that keeps coming, and you're almost reaching it... but you somehow can't, something is stopping you. I guess that's a glimpse into my head there.



P.S. Sobeys is love.

---

I look at what I have done these past few months, and it seems like nothing much.



P.S. Wearing a short skirt to a 3hr calc lecture is not a good idea.

---

julia in gold





the old lady vibrated.

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Update.

I am home for another weekend. I'm using my sister's computer cause I don't like bringing mine all the way here. I got a new printer. woohoo! Now I can stop being a library creeper. Wait, I've got projects and essays coming up, so scratch that. Speaking of school work. It seems like everything is so easy peasy this semester, and I'm slipping through with barely any effort at all. I shall start putting some in, cause I feel the slacking habit kicking in real hard. Plus I don't think I'll be able so slide through any further. Group project are an annoyance and I don't like them. Ok.

Other than school things have been looking up as well. I went shopping a bit, went to the rave. Did not have my movie date as planned, but oh well. I think that this is just a sign that I should give up trying and forget about it.



p.s. sasha and hardcore making out at the rave. woot!

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Interested?

****** Hug Day in Toronto ******



Our friends passed this along:



Share the Love



On Saturday January 27th, Torontonians from of all walks of life are

invited to spontaneously hug by the thousands at 3 pm at Nathan Phillips

Square. The amazing candy pop band, the Bicycles will be on stage and at 3

and will ask for a mass hug.



Mass hugging is becoming an international trend some say in response to a

gloomy world state of affairs. Hug Day is being put on by the Toronto Hug

Coalition which also points that hugging has incredible health benefits

including stress reduction and boosting the immune system as well as

improving your outlook.



Saturday January 27th, Share the Love in Nathan Phillips Square, at 3pm for

Hug Day.

---

Starting life.

This weekend was pretty intense. I had 3 dance shows and I went out to 1/4s on saturday as well as the thursday before that. It was kinda tiring, but I loved it. THe scariest part is when you stand backstage and the previous group comes out, while you go on. That part was very nerve racking. But nothing traumatizing happened and I actually had lots of fun dancing. Now all I need is to recover from the pain in my thighs and my back, and then the upcoming thusday 1/4s again probably and friday the rave!!! I am very excited. The sad part is that a friend of a friend of mine is having a kegger on saturday, and I wish I could go. But because of the rave I won't spend much time at home and I kinda want to. Plus the weekend after that is the Charity Ball and I don't think I'll be coming home then. Hmmm... what shall I wear.. But yeah, I need to majorly catch up on my work and get some much needed sleep. I'll be taking it easy till Thursday then.



P.S. I signed up for an experiment for psych that asks to play DDR. And I get a credit for it.How awesome is that!

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well... since it's out there.

1. What is your name?

Oxana



2. What color is your bra??

Navy



3. Do you straighten your hair everyday?

No, not everyday.



4. Do you worry about the size of your boobs?

They can be annoying.



5. Are you the typical girl who's addicted to gossip?

I don't think so.



6. What's your favorite girly magazine?

Elle, Nylon, and Teenvogue.



7. Best junk food?

Chips



8. Would you kill for chocolate?

No



9. Now answer 8 honestly...

No



10. Jeans or skirts?

Jeans



11. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?

I try not to.



12. Have you ever spent all day/night getting pretty for a guy?

Not for a guy. Not that I remember anyway.



13. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?

Yes. I cried when little mermaid died.



14. Would you leave the house without makeup on?:

Yes.



15. What's the biggest turn on about guys?:

Good hair, EYES, and the manner in which they talk.



16. What about the biggest turn off?:

Cockyness.



17. Do you consider making out "unladylike"?:

No.



18. On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping?:

At the begining 9 by the end of the day and the days that follow, -5.



19. Are you a girly-girl, tomboy, or in the middle?

I'd like to think that I'm somewhere in the middle.



20. Do you think lipgloss is the best?:

No, I don't usually wear it.



21. What is your favorite type of makeup?

Sephora.. anything.



22. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?

I get sad.



23. Do you obsess over your looks?:

Yes.



24. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

I can get ready in about 10-15 minutes for a morning class, but if I'm going out, I need 30 min.



25.Do you wear sweatpants/comfy clothes to school?:

No.



26. Accessories make the outfit; true or false:

False.



27. Are you a sucker for skater guys?:

Sometimes.



28. What kind of guys do you like?:

I like 'em hot.



29. Is pink truely the best color in the entire universe?:

Oh yes, baby!



30. Lip gloss a must?:

No.



31. Whats your status?

Single.



32. Do you have a crush?

Maybe.



33. Bikini, one-piece, tankini or... three-piece..]

Bikini, but I've seen some really nice one-piece so maybe I'll change my mind.



34. Do you take the chance on Halloween to dress like a whore?

Sure.



35. Ever dressed like a whore to impress a guy?:

I don't think so.



36. Do you often wish there was something you could change?

Of course.



37. Has a guy ever given you something on valentines day?

No.



38. Gold or silver?:

Both.



39. What is your favorite perfume?

Burberry Brit.



40 Tight pants on guys; hot or gay?

Mostly gay, sometimes hot.



41. Do you dress up too much for holidays?:

I sure do.



42. Do you like wearing dresses?:

I love dresses.



43. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?

No.



44. Do you consider yourself to be fashionable?

Only sometimes.



45. On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?

6.9



47. Do you worry/fuss about your weight?

Not usually, but I just started to.



48. Do you eat junk food?

Sometimes.



49. Do you work out?

No.



50. What makeup product could you NOT live without?

Eyeliner or concealer.

---

More and more I realize that people put on shows for you, so you would like them. The sad part is that it's not really them and they dont even know who they really are. Stupid big headed cocky people. Man, why must everything always end in the gutter? Is this what it has come to be, is there no normal way of ending things? What can I say, I'm glad I know and I'm stupid and blind even still.



Goodnight.